After Easter

After Easter and all the gratitude that it brings, I find myself quickly turning back to fear. We’ve celebrated a holiday of the victorious resurrection of Christ, and yet I’m falling back into the grave of my concern. Jesus died to set us free, so why do I try to hold on to my fleeting control? 

Sorry to start this post so heavy. Let me back it up a few days to give a clearer picture. On Friday, I had a routine MD visit. Now that I’m 27, I have to start having a CA-125 tumor marker drawn, just to ensure there is no hidden cancer lurking around. This is the new normal for me and my journey with Lynch. Preventative visit after preventative visit. 

I came out of the appointment pretty positive. The lab tech had a challenge with my veins and had to stab me a total of three times, but she was finally successful. I was feeling calm about everything the doctor and I discussed. 

Flash forward to today, and my stressful work day. My brain has been going in a myriad of directions, and just when I think I can’t possibly handle anymore, I start to think about all that can possibly go wrong. I’ve “taken the control” and placed it back in my hands. 

In my hands, control looks like fear of an undiagnosed enemy. In my hands, control looks like succumbing to physical problems. In my hands, control really isn’t control, but instead the most vulnerable, uncontrolled place I could be. 

I don’t think it is coincidence that my battle with fear today is right after Easter. The Easter story is about our victorious Jesus. It is about all what was completed and defeated when he stepped out of that grave. 

You see, Jesus endured a brutal death for us. Jesus didn’t do anything to deserve that treatment. He healed the sick, welcomed women into acceptance, and loved those that would be considered unlovable. The very people He came to help turned their back on Him. Yet, He endured it all with us in mind. I like to think that He looked a few thousand years ahead and saw a hopeless, poor Kentucky girl, and thought to Himself, “If I don’t do this, she’ll be forever lost. If I don’t do this, she will never know victory. If I don’t do this, she will never know love. She desperately needs me, and if I don’t do this, she will be desperately lost.” I believe He thought the same of you, as well. He paid the ultimate price for me and you. 

Understanding Easter means we understand what Jesus defeated for us, and it means living each day in that victory. If we truly understood each day what He accomplished for us, what would we fear? If we truly grasped what He did for us, why wouldn’t we walk in victory? Why would we bury ourselves in the cares of our current situation? 

I may only be writing this for me, but I encourage everyone reading this to not just remember the resurrection a few days of the year. Don’t forget on the hard days what was done for you when Jesus rose. Jesus wants us to live in victory—even when it’s hard, even when those lab tests are still pending, and even when it is after Easter.