The Voices You Hear

    A little while ago, when I was upset about something, I had what I like to call, a "God moment". I had just finished praying about a very specific matter. I turned on my Pandora radio station, and the first song that played was "The Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns. Here are some of the lyrics:


"Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth"

All I could do was cry, because a lot of the words were right in the context of what I had prayed. It was a moment where I knew God had heard my prayer, and I felt he was speaking directly to me, for me. I had no idea what music would be played as it is a randomized station, and I feel like God allowed that song to come on to encourage me, and let me know that He was there, and that He will be there.
   The reason I am revisiting an event that happened a little while back is because I feel like I have reached a point in my life where voices of sorts are speaking against me. No, they aren't voices in my head suggestive of a mental disorder, and no they are not literal voices of people speaking to me for those of you who take everything literally, but voices whose silence speaks louder than words.
   You see, i'm in a transitional period in my life. A lot is changing. With that comes specific voices trying to steer me off of the correct path. Let me explain: with every blessing that comes, every blessing designed to propel you into the person you were meant to be, it is going to be met by enemy resistance. As a Christian, I feel like there are forces at work to stop me from becoming all I need to be for Christ. So, by reaching a point in my life full of decisions, new paths, a period of change, and even meeting some specific hardships, it is going to be a very sensitive time. I was speaking with my Fiance about this, and one statement he made really stuck with me. He said, "Ashley, you've worked so hard to get to this point, do you think the enemy wants you to celebrate now? Or do you think that he wants you defeated?" I thought on this very intently, not fully grasping it at first I think. Then, I reached this conclusion: If you have proven yourself, met a milestone, or met a point of change, the enemy is not going to be happy about it. But the enemy won't always attack directly.
   What do I mean by "won't always attack directly". That is where those "voices" come into play. For every person, those voices may be different. It may be an insecurity you have, that even though you are accomplishing things or making changes, you still aren't sure of your self. It may be a voice of addiction, that even though other things are going great in your life, you do not think you can give up some addiction, so it keeps hold of you. It may be a voice of anger, that someone did not do what you thought they should, that someone important to you lets you down, just when you need them most. These "voices" say things like, "No matter what you've done, you're not good enough", "People let you down, why try to accomplish anything else?", "I've got you in this stronghold, good luck trying to get past this!". All of these voices are a tactic used to defeat, depress, and deter you from the purposes you should be fulfilling in your life. For me my voices consisted of fear, doubt, and disappointment. I was scared of the unknown, of what all I had to still accomplish, of what I was going to do in the face of the difficult things that I was going through. I was doubtful of how I'd find solutions to these circumstances. I was also disappointed by feeling a lack of support from specific people that I thought would be proud of some things I was accomplishing. These voices said to me, "Things are too hard, you've already worked so hard already, you're tired. Why not just quit?", "These problems you have--they are overwhelming! How can they be fixed?" "Your accomplishments must not be that important--no one cares anyway." Again, no literal voices said this to me, but these subtle attacks come indirectly to divert your attention from what you should be focusing on.
   So, what do you do? Think back to the lyrics I posted, the last four lines. Notice I bolded the words, "The Voice of Truth". That Voice is the One you need to focus on. The Voice of truth in my life is my Lord, my Saviour, Jesus Christ, and the Word of God that He gave for us to follow, and gave so He could speak to us. God is not the instigator of defeat, confusion, and fear. He does not speak to us in terms of what hard times are facing you, and what you can do about it, but about what He has power to do. When you are fearful, what does God say? Psalm 27:1 says, "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" When you are doubtful, or worried, 1 Peter 5:7 says, "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." When you are disappointed, go to the One Who does not disappoint, as written in Hebrews 13:5, "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee."
   There are many, many different verses for various "voices" you may hear. The important thing to remember is that you will most certainly at some point in your life face an indirect attack that leave you with questions, feelings of defeat, maybe even a weight of something that seems overwhelming. But know where this attack comes from! Also know where to go to find help. God has many great things in His Word, things for any kind of voice you may be faced with. It is a guide, and will show you exactly what to do in the face of opposition. Don't listen to the voices of defeat; listen to the Voice of Truth. It is your choice, but I guarantee you, living in defeat won't lead to a victory.

Enjoying the Mountain

   Yesterday was a big day for me. It was the day that I have been working toward for a long time--my graduation from Somerset Community College's Associate Degree Nursing program. One interesting part of all of the commotion from yesterday was the fact that I was running late in getting to graduation. I was not late to the actual ceremony, but as graduates we were supposed to be there at 6:45 (actually by that time), and I arrived sometime after 7. On the way there, I got stopped by a red light, and I knew it would take a long time for the light to change, so I managed to find a back road to get around it. Then, there was some kind of fender-bender blocking both sides of the road, so I found another back road, and got back on the main highway. I hit a few more lights, but waited, and tried to multitask getting things done while at the stoplights (with my fiance's help as well). I somehow managed to get past all the obstacles, and ran inside, taking my place in line.
   All these events seem insignificant at first, just another day, another normal set of events; however, to me these moments were a mirror image of how I got to graduation in the big scheme of things. It was not easy getting to graduation. At my pinning ceremony my card even had the verse Psalm 61:2, which says, "From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I." I cannot tell you how many times I have been overwhelmed these past four years.
   I feel like all the events that lead to graduation were really just one back road after another, one moment of waiting after another, and trying to get things done, when it almost seemed impossible. You see, I started off my college experience at Berea College. I did great academically, but that place was not where I was supposed to be. Putting it as tactfully as possible, I did not feel like I could adequately grow in my walk with God at that institution. Then my grandfather passed away, and I was deeply hurt. I tried to be strong for my Mom, all while taking a pretty difficult pre-nursing course load. With God's help, I finished that first year strong, and decided to weigh out my options.
   So, I took a different road, and I came back to Somerset to get my degree there. It was a lot different going from staying in the dorm, to moving back home and balancing more work hours with school. A lot of people did not understand my decision. Many people saw it as me throwing away my future, and a four-year scholarship. I was the girl that was supposed to do something great with my life, and to many people, I was not going to do that coming to Somerset. Looking back on it, that was one of the best decisions of my life, and if I had stayed at Berea, I would have been compromising my future, and I have no idea where I would be.
   I spent a year taking courses before doing the nursing program. I actually took some time trying to determine if I would stick with nursing, or get an English degree. Another interesting piece of information, the pre-conference you have to do before starting the nursing program, I actually stumbled upon the list of dates the day before the last day was available. So, it was definitely an act of God getting me into the program. I chose nursing, because I did not think I had to have a degree to allow me to write. I would, however, need a degree to be a nurse.
   Then the actual program started. A lot of things happened during this time, I moved from the only place I'd ever lived, I faced personal struggles, and many other things changed during this time. It was rough, and I won't take the time here to explain all the stressful times, sleep deprived nights, and times where I thought about just giving up. Those kinds of things come with anything worth the struggle, and I am grateful for the opportunity to fight it out, and get through it.
   So, all of these events really mirrored me getting to graduation. What, then, do I take away from it all? I was overwhelmed, and God lead me to a higher place. There were so many twists and turns getting here. People told me I was making the wrong decision. There were people who didn't support me, as well as those who prayed, asking God to just lead me where I should be. The higher place was hard getting to. Nothing, like most of my life, has been just handed to me. I've had to fight, work hard, and make decisions, and put trust and faith in God. And I finally accomplished a goal that I have had for a long time.
   Is this, though, the last higher plane I will reach? All of these events, they were a small part of a bigger journey. Each struggle, each triumph, each battle, each win, changes a part of you, and transforms you into who you were meant to be. God does not leave us on this earth merely to fight one battle and stay on a plateau the rest of our lives. We were all made for more than that. We all have our own sets of untapped potential, but if we live our lives dwelling on the fact that we have won some battles, we'll never see what all God can do through us.
   There's a lot more for me to do now that graduation is over. It's both scary and wonderful all at the same time. It's scary because I know there will be more mountains for me to climb, there is more for me to do, and i'm sure i'll be taking a few more detours, and may even have some waiting periods.  People may not understand some things that God may be calling me to do. That is where faith really comes in though! The wonderful part about it all is knowing that doing more is really living. If I can spend my life really living, how much more of a difference will that make? How much more can I do for the God who saved me and gave me this life, if I really put effort into it?  What God-given untapped potential have I not seen yet? I'm sure all of the same questions can apply to whoever is reading this. God has something amazing for you, but what are you doing to get there? As I wrote on my whiteboard at home yesterday, "You did it! Enjoy the mountain, but look for the next one, this is just the start!"

I'd like to also share a poem I wrote a little while ago, during these last four years.

A Poem Based on Psalm 61:1-3

From the end of the earth,
Will I cry unto thee,
My heart is overwhelmed,
Oh Lord, will You lead me,
To a much higher place,
I know You will be,
A shelter, a haven,
Far from the enemy,
And when my heart breaks,
Will You then make it whole?
When i'm down, upset,
Will You then calm my soul?
And when I almost fall,
Could you help me to stand?
And through all my hurt,
Please, just hold my hand?
Storms, pain, hurt, surround,
Nothing seems to turn out right,
Darkness encircles me,
Lord, lead me through the night.
Although it's hard each day,
On You I will depend,
You have not failed me yet,
You are my dearest friend.
So hear my cry, O God,
Attend unto my prayer,
Keep me in Your shelter,
And heal my hurt in there. 


And He brought me through!!!!