One Moment

Life is a funny thing isn’t it? 

One moment you’re 16 years old, watching Gilmore Girls and dreaming about your one-day writing career, and the next moment you’re 25 sitting on your couch, with your work laptop doing work at home, mentally drained from your Director of Nursing position you obtained by getting a Bachelor’s in Science degree. One moment you’re 14 writing about your insecurities and how unworthy you feel, and the next moment you’re marrying your best friend and one of the most incredible men on the planet at 23, who reminds you every day of how worthy you are and can be. One moment you’re 10 years old following your Pawpaw around everywhere, telling him your dreams, and trying to convince him that, yes, a woman can be President, and if Hilary Clinton doesn’t beat you, it’s going to be you. The next moment you are 19 years old telling your Pawpaw that you’ll do your best to make him proud, and that it is alright for Him to go be with Jesus. One moment you are 13 years old, listening to all the wrong things, and wondering if you’ll ever make a difference, and the next moment you are 24 living in a different state and trying to reach the world with your husband. One moment you’re 15, unsure of what people will say, but you decide to give your life to Jesus, and the next moment you are 18 faced with decisions that test you to see if you will stay true to that promise. One moment you are 17 asking your mom what she thinks is best for your life, and the next moment, you are 25 still doing the same thing. 

I have learned that we all have these moments. Our life is filled with so many decisions each day that make us who we are. We all have difficult times that make us question everything we are, everything we want to be. Life has a way of throwing curve-balls, and daring us to fight--if we want to keep going. Thoughts of anxiety and insecurity can fight us from the inside, demanding us to rise above or sink deeper into those thoughts. Battles of all kinds from health concerns to financial struggle can attack at the most inopportune time. But I tell you this, FIGHT. No matter what is thrown at you, FIGHT! I was just looking back on my past, my life, and I know at the end of the day, I want it to be said that I fought to make each day count. I want to know that I fought past any obstacle, challenge, or internal struggle, and came out of it better. As you’re reading this, remember, you cannot get back any of your past. You cannot undo the decisions you have made. You can, however, choose to fight and choose to make every day of your life matter. You can get better and rise above whatever you are facing. (And yes, I know, it may not seem that way in the middle of the battle. It may not seem that way especially when you are fighting against defeat that seems to be inside of you, but you can get better.) You were called to be something wonderful, someone unlike anyone else. God gave YOU certain gifts, abilities, and talents unique to you, so that you can fulfill a purpose more amazing than you could've imagined. So I hope that, one moment you’re reading this wherever you are, and the next you move forward and make each day matter. 

Youth

Ecclesiastes 12:1 ,"Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them;"

About a month ago, I was scheduled to undergo a procedure. When I made it back to the holding area, I had an interesting conversation with the nurse who was preparing me. To make small talk, she asked what I did for a living. I explained it to her, and she responded, "Wow, aren't you too young for that much responsibility?" I'll be honest, I wasn't completely sure how to respond, she was much older than me, and I fumbled together some kind of sarcastic (and what I thought was comical) comment. 

Since having that conversation, though, I have been thinking about where I am with my age. I'm 25, completed a Bachelor's degree, working in a management position in my career, and just purchased my first home, fully funded by only my husband and me. I felt proud of my accomplishments in comparison to the typical stereotype of millennials like myself. 

That thought made me realize there is a bigger problem at hand. The problem with that thinking is that I was comparing myself to the standards set for my generation. This triggered my thoughts, and I wondered, maybe the problem with the millennial generation is not their quality, but rather, the standard that people expect that they will maintain. My generation was trained to go to college, essentially waste that time by partying before reality hits, and cross your fingers that you actually get a job in your field (or at least a job you can tolerate that also pays your bills). My story was different than that, and I was responsible for working and handling reality once I embarked on my post-high school journey. Truthfully, at 25, 7-ish years out of high school, people should expect for me to function at a high level, not the other way around. By now, I should have learned to provide for myself, maintain a job, and function as an adult. This does not seem to be the norm, however. I know life circumstances always come, but why is there such an acceptance of this generation failing? 

Thinking back on generations prior, it was not an abnormal thing to hold much responsibility at a young age. Many women have had children headed toward their teen years by the time they are my age. Raising a human life is no small task. Even today, there are people my age that fight and offer to sacrifice their life for their country. That sacrifice is no small thing when you have your life ahead of you, and you have no guarantee of coming home after each battle. All the major battles of this country have involved passionate people of my age stepping up to bring our nation together. 

Considering these things actually makes me feel the opposite of proud of what I have done in my short time. There is a lot more that I can do with my life, and it would be a shame to agree with that person and start believing that I should limit myself based on my age. I really believe that for everyone, old or young. Age is just a number, and I would rather spend each moment of my life making an impact than believe I needed to wait to move forward until I got a bit older. As a generation as a whole, we need to quit limiting ourselves to the ideas that have been placed upon us. There is much more to life than working, coming home, eating, going to bed, and repeating the next day. Each person on this planet has a unique purpose, and this can be used to bless so many people. 

If you truly consider your age, whatever the number may be, you will realize truly how little time you have. Each moment you spend doing nothing, is a moment you have lost. I encourage you, don't look back on your life and wonder "what if" , but rather think until your last day, "What's next?". --That is truly living. 

Get To

So, I have the best husband ever. Can I just say that? 

Today I had a very important appointment. It was a GI follow up for Lynch Syndrome (see prior post for details). The main thing involved is the GI system, so it was a big deal. I've been thinking over and over about the situation, so I knew I would get some questions answered here. God provided the nicest physician, and he was so helpful! Even said eating a vegetarian diet was a good plan for me! I'm ahead of the game! 

Then he told me that each year until I'm 107 (I added in that last part lol, but each year until I meet Jesus) I'm going to have to get a colonoscopy done. For me, that's a major lifestyle change. Most people don't have those until they're 50. I made a bunch of jokes to Caleb about drinking the solution they give you, and us getting team colonoscopies when he turns 50.  On my way home, I brought up to Caleb though, I guess in fear that I was a bit intimidated by the information, that I was upset that this is going to be something I have to do every year. 

Caleb stopped me there and said, hon, this isn't something you have to do, but rather, get to do. You get to figure out about all this in time to do something about it. --That thought really convicted me. It made me think about all the things I get to do. I get to get preventive treatment on a disease relatively unheard of in other parts of the world. I get to be a step ahead of the game. I get to make good decisions now, realizing the importance of it. I get an advantage that my father, aunt, and grandmother didn't have. 

Outside of that condition, though, what else in my life is a get rather than a have? I get to go to church on Sunday, and freely worship the God in which I believe. I get to live in a free country because of the sacrifice people made. I got to vote this past year as a woman because of the sacrifice people made to give me that right. I get the opportunity to go to work and be productive and helpful to my family. I get to live in Indiana, close enough to the city to get what I need, and far enough away to have peace. I get to be a part of a family that loves me and cares for me. I get the amazing opportunity to read the Word of God in my own language. I get the opportunity to serve in our church. I get to live this specific life that God gave me, and is so much bigger than me. I get to be a tool in His plan. 

Thank God Caleb mentioned that. I have so many "get to's" and so many reasons to be thankful. I challenge everyone reading this, think of your "get to's" and thank God he gave them to you. It'll change your life in a matter of moments! 

And for any of you going through anything, remember, your greatest struggle will be your greatest victory. 

Even Now, He's Still God

   I woke up Sunday morning angry. I did not feel just passively flustered, but instead I felt I was to the point of explosion. I had read my Bible, did my morning routine, but I could not shake the sense of sheer anger I was feeling. Great way to head to church, isn't it?
   Let me back up before you all start to really question my mentality. Back in December, I had a health situation, and long story short, it led me to complete genetic testing for Lynch Syndrome. Lynch Syndrome is an inherited abnormality in your genetic make-up that predisposes you to multiple cancers of varying risks, the highest of which is colon cancer. This situation is not a cancer diagnosis, but a major risk factor in developing one of many cancers in your lifetime. My test results came back positive earlier this year.
   I've got to say, I took the news well. My mindset was positive, and I knew that knowing this risk will give me options. I transitioned to a Vegetarian diet. I set up all my preventive physician appointments. Knowledge is power, and I was going to do all I could to get all the knowledge on this as possible. With the exception of one breakdown, I thought I was doing well. Nothing can hold me back, and in the name of Jesus, I will prevail!
   I was doing great with this, until I got a call from a life insurance company. I've been working to get life insurance coverage, and I thought this particular company would be great. The call stated that since I still have a colon, I am ineligible for their coverage. I laughed it off at first. How funny is that! Denied coverage for having a colon, what a great story! I began relaying the story, but each time I told it I grew a bit angrier. Laughter turned to bitterness, and I then began relaying the story with complete disdain.
   It is funny how quickly we can spiral from positive thoughts to sheer anger. It is amazing how we can go from praising God to questioning His plans. I went from seeing the situation as a way to overcome and possibly help others to slowly inside questioning the fairness of it all. I'm only 25 years old---why should I have to go to all these physician appointments? Why do I have to constantly think about what i'm eating and the effect it is going to have on my body? Why does my genetic make-up have to be a risk factor for these kinds of problems? Why do I have to bear this particular burden?These are just a few of the many angry questions I spiraled into in the course of a few days.
   So, i'll be honest, I went to church feeling pretty sorry for myself, but mostly indignant about my current life situation. I went through the service as normal, and then pastor gave the title of the message which immediately told me God was thinking of me. The title of the message was, "He's Still God". Our Pastor told the story of Lazarus being raised from the dead. What stood out to me was the reaction of Martha, Lazarus' sister, in this story. I've always related to Martha, especially in the story where she is working when her sister, Mary, is worshiping God. Her attitude has always resonated with me. For some reason, I had never noticed her reaction in this story. John 11:21-22 says, "Then said Martha unto Jesus, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died. But I know, that even now, whatsoever thou wilt ask of God, God wilt give it thee." Martha had faith that despite the circumstances, even now, right in the moment, God had control. This verse shows me that she knew this did not take Him by surprise, and even though the situation was beyond difficult, God had a plan.
   So imagine how someone so angry at her situation must have felt during a sermon like this? Truly, I needed to hear something about having a good attitude and counting my blessings, but instead God gave me words of hope and reassurance. This message showed me that God is not in the business of always telling us to get over ourselves (even when we need it). God is in the business of giving us reassurance, and helping us overcome, even when we do not deserve it. God has done so much for me--I am ashamed of the anger I've had. But God is so loving, that He did not want me to stay in anger. God wanted to remind me that He is still in control, and that I can depend on that. What a message that was for a hurting child. I'm telling you, this particular service was like God was right there, hugging me, and telling me that it was all going to be O.K. I pray all of you have moments like these with God, it is so wonderful when He gives you more than you deserve.
   All this being said, I knew God wanted me to tell others about this. As Hebrews 4:15 says, "For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are; yet without sin." God knows the hurt, fear, anger, sadness, and everything we feel. God knew with Martha and Mary that they were sincerely grieving the loss of their loved one, but He did not leave them in despair. God wanted them to know they could depend on Him, and that He has the best plans possible for your life. I know that each person reading this has something different they are overcoming. Each person has their own set of struggles, and maybe you are struggling with your feelings about it. Maybe you are angry, fearful, or depressed. Give it to God! Even now, whatever you are facing, He is still in control! There is not a situation that you could be going through that He isn't big enough to solve. Romans 8: 38-39 says, "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." If nothing can separate us from His love, what can we accomplish and overcome when we allow that love to work in our lives?