Saturday, November 8, 2014
An Inconvenient Christianity
Friday, July 25, 2014
The Truth About Discouragement
Friday, May 23, 2014
The Voices You Hear
"Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win"
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth"
All I could do was cry, because a lot of the words were right in the context of what I had prayed. It was a moment where I knew God had heard my prayer, and I felt he was speaking directly to me, for me. I had no idea what music would be played as it is a randomized station, and I feel like God allowed that song to come on to encourage me, and let me know that He was there, and that He will be there.
The reason I am revisiting an event that happened a little while back is because I feel like I have reached a point in my life where voices of sorts are speaking against me. No, they aren't voices in my head suggestive of a mental disorder, and no they are not literal voices of people speaking to me for those of you who take everything literally, but voices whose silence speaks louder than words.
You see, i'm in a transitional period in my life. A lot is changing. With that comes specific voices trying to steer me off of the correct path. Let me explain: with every blessing that comes, every blessing designed to propel you into the person you were meant to be, it is going to be met by enemy resistance. As a Christian, I feel like there are forces at work to stop me from becoming all I need to be for Christ. So, by reaching a point in my life full of decisions, new paths, a period of change, and even meeting some specific hardships, it is going to be a very sensitive time. I was speaking with my Fiance about this, and one statement he made really stuck with me. He said, "Ashley, you've worked so hard to get to this point, do you think the enemy wants you to celebrate now? Or do you think that he wants you defeated?" I thought on this very intently, not fully grasping it at first I think. Then, I reached this conclusion: If you have proven yourself, met a milestone, or met a point of change, the enemy is not going to be happy about it. But the enemy won't always attack directly.
What do I mean by "won't always attack directly". That is where those "voices" come into play. For every person, those voices may be different. It may be an insecurity you have, that even though you are accomplishing things or making changes, you still aren't sure of your self. It may be a voice of addiction, that even though other things are going great in your life, you do not think you can give up some addiction, so it keeps hold of you. It may be a voice of anger, that someone did not do what you thought they should, that someone important to you lets you down, just when you need them most. These "voices" say things like, "No matter what you've done, you're not good enough", "People let you down, why try to accomplish anything else?", "I've got you in this stronghold, good luck trying to get past this!". All of these voices are a tactic used to defeat, depress, and deter you from the purposes you should be fulfilling in your life. For me my voices consisted of fear, doubt, and disappointment. I was scared of the unknown, of what all I had to still accomplish, of what I was going to do in the face of the difficult things that I was going through. I was doubtful of how I'd find solutions to these circumstances. I was also disappointed by feeling a lack of support from specific people that I thought would be proud of some things I was accomplishing. These voices said to me, "Things are too hard, you've already worked so hard already, you're tired. Why not just quit?", "These problems you have--they are overwhelming! How can they be fixed?" "Your accomplishments must not be that important--no one cares anyway." Again, no literal voices said this to me, but these subtle attacks come indirectly to divert your attention from what you should be focusing on.
So, what do you do? Think back to the lyrics I posted, the last four lines. Notice I bolded the words, "The Voice of Truth". That Voice is the One you need to focus on. The Voice of truth in my life is my Lord, my Saviour, Jesus Christ, and the Word of God that He gave for us to follow, and gave so He could speak to us. God is not the instigator of defeat, confusion, and fear. He does not speak to us in terms of what hard times are facing you, and what you can do about it, but about what He has power to do. When you are fearful, what does God say? Psalm 27:1 says, "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" When you are doubtful, or worried, 1 Peter 5:7 says, "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." When you are disappointed, go to the One Who does not disappoint, as written in Hebrews 13:5, "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee."
There are many, many different verses for various "voices" you may hear. The important thing to remember is that you will most certainly at some point in your life face an indirect attack that leave you with questions, feelings of defeat, maybe even a weight of something that seems overwhelming. But know where this attack comes from! Also know where to go to find help. God has many great things in His Word, things for any kind of voice you may be faced with. It is a guide, and will show you exactly what to do in the face of opposition. Don't listen to the voices of defeat; listen to the Voice of Truth. It is your choice, but I guarantee you, living in defeat won't lead to a victory.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Enjoying the Mountain
All these events seem insignificant at first, just another day, another normal set of events; however, to me these moments were a mirror image of how I got to graduation in the big scheme of things. It was not easy getting to graduation. At my pinning ceremony my card even had the verse Psalm 61:2, which says, "From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I." I cannot tell you how many times I have been overwhelmed these past four years.
I feel like all the events that lead to graduation were really just one back road after another, one moment of waiting after another, and trying to get things done, when it almost seemed impossible. You see, I started off my college experience at Berea College. I did great academically, but that place was not where I was supposed to be. Putting it as tactfully as possible, I did not feel like I could adequately grow in my walk with God at that institution. Then my grandfather passed away, and I was deeply hurt. I tried to be strong for my Mom, all while taking a pretty difficult pre-nursing course load. With God's help, I finished that first year strong, and decided to weigh out my options.
So, I took a different road, and I came back to Somerset to get my degree there. It was a lot different going from staying in the dorm, to moving back home and balancing more work hours with school. A lot of people did not understand my decision. Many people saw it as me throwing away my future, and a four-year scholarship. I was the girl that was supposed to do something great with my life, and to many people, I was not going to do that coming to Somerset. Looking back on it, that was one of the best decisions of my life, and if I had stayed at Berea, I would have been compromising my future, and I have no idea where I would be.
I spent a year taking courses before doing the nursing program. I actually took some time trying to determine if I would stick with nursing, or get an English degree. Another interesting piece of information, the pre-conference you have to do before starting the nursing program, I actually stumbled upon the list of dates the day before the last day was available. So, it was definitely an act of God getting me into the program. I chose nursing, because I did not think I had to have a degree to allow me to write. I would, however, need a degree to be a nurse.
Then the actual program started. A lot of things happened during this time, I moved from the only place I'd ever lived, I faced personal struggles, and many other things changed during this time. It was rough, and I won't take the time here to explain all the stressful times, sleep deprived nights, and times where I thought about just giving up. Those kinds of things come with anything worth the struggle, and I am grateful for the opportunity to fight it out, and get through it.
So, all of these events really mirrored me getting to graduation. What, then, do I take away from it all? I was overwhelmed, and God lead me to a higher place. There were so many twists and turns getting here. People told me I was making the wrong decision. There were people who didn't support me, as well as those who prayed, asking God to just lead me where I should be. The higher place was hard getting to. Nothing, like most of my life, has been just handed to me. I've had to fight, work hard, and make decisions, and put trust and faith in God. And I finally accomplished a goal that I have had for a long time.
Is this, though, the last higher plane I will reach? All of these events, they were a small part of a bigger journey. Each struggle, each triumph, each battle, each win, changes a part of you, and transforms you into who you were meant to be. God does not leave us on this earth merely to fight one battle and stay on a plateau the rest of our lives. We were all made for more than that. We all have our own sets of untapped potential, but if we live our lives dwelling on the fact that we have won some battles, we'll never see what all God can do through us.
There's a lot more for me to do now that graduation is over. It's both scary and wonderful all at the same time. It's scary because I know there will be more mountains for me to climb, there is more for me to do, and i'm sure i'll be taking a few more detours, and may even have some waiting periods. People may not understand some things that God may be calling me to do. That is where faith really comes in though! The wonderful part about it all is knowing that doing more is really living. If I can spend my life really living, how much more of a difference will that make? How much more can I do for the God who saved me and gave me this life, if I really put effort into it? What God-given untapped potential have I not seen yet? I'm sure all of the same questions can apply to whoever is reading this. God has something amazing for you, but what are you doing to get there? As I wrote on my whiteboard at home yesterday, "You did it! Enjoy the mountain, but look for the next one, this is just the start!"
I'd like to also share a poem I wrote a little while ago, during these last four years.
A Poem Based on Psalm 61:1-3
From the end of the earth,
Will I cry unto thee,
My heart is overwhelmed,
Oh Lord, will You lead me,
To a much higher place,
I know You will be,
A shelter, a haven,
Far from the enemy,
And when my heart breaks,
Will You then make it whole?
When i'm down, upset,
Will You then calm my soul?
And when I almost fall,
Could you help me to stand?
And through all my hurt,
Please, just hold my hand?
Storms, pain, hurt, surround,
Nothing seems to turn out right,
Darkness encircles me,
Lord, lead me through the night.
Although it's hard each day,
On You I will depend,
You have not failed me yet,
You are my dearest friend.
So hear my cry, O God,
Attend unto my prayer,
Keep me in Your shelter,
And heal my hurt in there.
And He brought me through!!!!
Monday, April 21, 2014
Just the Beginning
Thursday, March 20, 2014
The Amazingly Sunny Days
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Waving from the Window
I wrote this story, of my grandpa and the terrible disease he had, a little while back, and i thought I would share it now. We just finished covering Alzheimers in class. I hope it helps someone.
"This is my grand-daughter. She’s a brain. Makes straight A’s, and got a scholarship to Berea College,” Those were the words my pawpaw said to the nurse his first day in the long-term care facility. I will never forget that as long as I live. I know it may seem like a simple statement, but the fact that my Pawpaw, diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, not only remembered me, but was praising me to a staff member I’d never even met, spoke volumes to me.
I’ll never forget the day I found out he had Alzheimer’s. It was Father’s Day three years ago. Usually, with it being Sunday, I would bring him to church with me, but he said he was not feeling well, so he did not come. I brought him back lunch and ate with him, and he did not seem too much different. Lately, though, he had been forgetting things. He could not remember how to fill out his checks, he would forget to mail something in, forget to get the oil changed in his truck, just simple things like that. I suspected something, but I was just 18 at the time, and did not really even know what to do. At the same time, I did not want anything to be wrong. He was the father figure in my life, and we did everything together. My mom and I lived next door to him, so he was always there, and I saw him every day. He even taught me how to drive. He’d sit back in his little Toyota Tacoma, smoke a cigarette, and tell me I was doing a great job. Even the time I accidently rolled through a stop sign. He just chuckled and said, “Glad no one was coming—just make sure to watch next time.”
That night, I went to church like normal. When my mom pulled into the driveway, she noticed my pawpaw in the back yard. How she noticed this, I will never know. That moment is when my world changed. He was in the back yard, confused, sweating profusely, just sitting on the ground. My mom called 911, and I kneeled to the ground trying to talk to him, to orient him to reality. Nothing he said made sense. I finally just held his hand as we waited for the ambulance.
What followed from that was a long couple of weeks in the hospital. The one thing I knew is that my world would never be the same. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s during this time. His condition improved, and at the discretion of my mom and uncle, he was placed into a long-term care facility. I remember how hard it was seeing him there. The memories I had of him were him sitting in a lawn chair in our yard watching cars go up and down the highway, or him just riding down the road with me, or us watching John Hagee on television together. My memory was not of him in what I saw as a cold, standardized, hospital setting.
I remember leaving for college that fall, and every weekend I came back to see him. Regardless of the diagnosis, he was still the same encouraging pawpaw I had always known. Things were different, yes, but he still made me feel loved. There were times we would talk like we always had, and I would think to myself, maybe he could get better. I know that did not make any sense, and I knew how the disease worked, I just really did not want to accept its finality. There were even a few times I would see him waving out of the window down to the parking lot as I came in the facility. Regardless of the good times though, he still had the rough times. On my nineteenth birthday, my mom asked him how old he thought I was going to be. He replied, “Seven, eight, nine, maybe.” That was hard for me, but I knew he must have just seen me as the same little girl that tagged along with him everywhere. There were some more bad times, bad typical Alzheimer’s moments, but I did not focus on that. I focused on getting to still see him, still getting to talk to him, the fact that he was still there.
One night, as we were told, he was rearranging things in his room. That was one of the things he did a lot when he was confused. As he was trying to move a recliner in his room, he had a terrible fall. He never recovered, and on April 3, 2011, one of the most important people in my life left this world. I was devastated, and it is something I do not think I have ever fully recovered from, but I do feel like I learned some things from the experience. I learned to value each moment you get with the people in your life. I learned to not focus on the negative in a situation, and just be glad that you get time with that person. I also learned that regardless of the disease, Alzheimer’s especially, they are still that person you always loved. Now, three years later, whenever I drive by that facility, I just think of him waving at me from his window, telling one of the nurses that his grand-daughter had come to see him. It gives me a reason to move forward, and it gives me a reason to work to make him proud at this stage in my life.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Hardly Living at All?
You see, last night, I got the amazing opportunity to be around a bunch of dreamers. Each one of the people I was around had a dream of their own that they are more than just working toward. They are putting their lives into something they know will bring them to the place where they need to be. One person even said, "It's not the potential I have, it's the potential God has to use me." Those words touched my soul. It was as if each one of those people were not just moving forward for themselves, but were moving forward for the higher purpose that God has for them. I thought about it a lot, even after I left. Then today, I was listening to a speaker on a CD, and they were talking about the book I had just started reading. (I also had no idea that the speaker I was listening to would even mention it). When I finished a few things I had to do, in a free moment, I picked up my book, and not too many pages in was when I saw those words. "The way of the dreamer is difficult-but anything less is hardly living at all!"
These words were convicting. Sometimes I feel like I fit into the group of hardly living at all. Not that I am not working toward anything, but lately, being in my last semester of nursing school, and dealing with responsibilities, I feel like I have not been as focused on the dream. Yes, I am taking action towards completing things, but has my mindset been where it needs to be? Definitely not. And being a dreamer starts with a mindset. I've kept my ring before me, (see my first blog post for information about that), but am I really living those words of "Love. Cherish. Inspire. Dream."? I feel like I have been more focused on circumstances that may be discouraging, than the path that is taking me to where I will be. I start to try to depend on myself, which obviously leads to worry, instead of letting God take control and lead me to where I need to be. This post may seem very transparent, but maybe this is something you can relate with in your own life.
So, how do I get from the way of hardly living at all to the way of the dreamer? It all starts with a mindset. Being a dreamer is difficult. I often wonder why some of my circumstances have been difficult. It's almost as if I foolishly go, "Why can't they just give me a nursing degree? Why can't I just automatically be in a position to help other people? Why can't my writing get published now? Why haven't I already accomplished more than I have? Why, Why, Why?" Do you know what this turns into? It turns into a pit of self-pity, that does nothing but tear your mindset apart, and that negative mindset multiplies. All the things that I am working toward may be difficult now, but there is a reason for that. There have been many things in my life that were very difficult, but on the other side of it, I came out a stronger person. What if nursing school did just hand out degrees to anyone that wanted them? I guarantee that would cause a lot of trouble. You see the road to your dreams is going to be a lot more uncomfortable than you would expect it to be. You are not entitled to anything, so what you want to accomplish, you will have to create for yourself.
This all reminds me of the Bible story of Joseph in Genesis 37. It states, "And Joseph dreamed a dream, and he told it his brethren: and they hated him yet the more." Joseph dreamed, and followed that dream, and his brothers hated him. As the chapter continues, they actually end up selling him into slavery. All because he had a dream. But did Joseph allow his life to become one of "hardly living at all", or did he take his negative circumstances, keep the right mindset, trust in God, and eventually be in the place where he was supposed to be? He did the second one. God had a specific purpose for him that he could have never accomplished if he had not followed his dream. He grasped the potential that God had for him, and finally realized his dream.
What about your dreams? What do or did you want to accomplish? Do those dreams far away now? Have you forgotten them? Or are you like me and focusing on the wrong part of chasing your dream? You have the choice, you can live a life of a winner, a dreamer, which will be difficult, or you can live the life of a loser, and hardly live at all. I know that sounds harsh, but what are we doing with our lives if we are not following the higher plan God has for us? I cannot tell you what God has for you, but I can tell you, it may be difficult getting there, but nothing will feel like the peace you get from reaching the potential God has for you. So, don't focus on the difficult. Just remember the difficult is part of getting to where you are going to be. You will appreciate your arrival so much more, and you will be a much stronger person when you get there. You may even help forge a path for someone else following you. It will be worth it, and you will be able to truly say that you have lived. I cannot wait to realize my dreams, and see you realize yours as well!
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
All the Work of God
This statement really caused me to search my heart, and made me very grateful. You see, if no one, even wise men can figure out all that God does, and if no one can know all that God knows, how amazing is it that this same God, whose ways are past finding out, loves and cares for each of us? On a personal level, that means that the Creator of the earth, the One Who set the world in motion, the One Who has power and knowledge above all else, cares for me, wants to lead me, and wants to have a personal relationship with me. How wonderful is that to think about?
This thought is wonderful, and yet, at the same time should be very convicting to all of us. How often do I try to do things in my own strength? How often do I neglect to communicate with Him the way I should? How often do I worry about simple things instead of putting things into His hand? Why do I fail to utilize the Great Friend and Counselor that I have access to? Going back to the verse I wrote at the beginning, think about all that God does. There is no way that anyone can figure it all out, and, yet, God is still working.
I think about all God has done up to this point in my life. It is amazing how so many pieces He perfectly put together, that I could have never done. Even when I tried to do things on my own, He kept me from making mistakes by His restraining hand. Yes, there were times when I messed up, and tried to put my goals before Him, but He was always there, ready to help me pick up the pieces. My mind goes back to a time in my life when I felt terrible spiritually. I kept trying to do things in my own power. I was angry at circumstances beyond my control, and I let that hinder me. I remember praying, and asking the Lord to show me what I needed to do. I remember asking Him to help me get out of the place where I was, because I knew I was not headed the right way. From that moment, when I asked Him to do His work, He changed so much in my life. Second to when I got saved, that was the most pivotal moment in my life. I told no one at the time of this prayer, but instead allowed the Lord to work in my life on a personal level. The Lord did so much, brought me to where I needed to be, and showed me a lot about my faith. It was that point in my life where I decided my stance on a lot of things, and it added to the groundwork of my constant work to become who I need to be. I've not done everything perfect since then, and I still make mistakes, but I know that is part of a growing process.
I say all of that to say this, If God can do all of that in my life, and so much more above what I have written, and above all that I even know about, how much more will He do? How about your life? I'm sure you have struggles and things you are working through. I'm also sure, however, that there have been things that God has brought you through. Not every circumstance will you understand the reasoning to, but God has brought you to things for purposes beyond your realm of knowledge. When that pivotal moment happened in my life, do you think that I knew where God was going to bring me to? Do you think I understood the reason why I was faced with certain things? There was no way, and if I would have kept trying to work through those issues myself, there is no way I would be where I am. I do say all of that knowing I have much more to learn and to grow in, and there may be times when I do not understand why things are happening, or what I should do, but if I do not allow the Lord to have His way, I may not reach that place where I should be. How about your life? Is there something you are trying to handle in your own strength? Take it to the Lord, and allow Him to work through you. No one can understand all that God is doing and wants to do, why not trust Him?
As I close, I want to share something I believe the Lord gave me the other day. I was humming, not really to any specific tune, and these words just came to me along the tune I was singing to. It is pretty short, but I think it is fitting for the subject at hand, and I hope that it helps you!
Why should I worry now?
You've been there before.
Why should I worry now?
You know what's in store.
I'll follow your plan for me,
And you'll bring me through,
To right where I should be,
And I will trust in You.
Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Happy New Year's!
But something usually happens around January 4th or 5th. You start to get back in the swing of things at work. Kids start returning to school. The new opportunities you thought existed on the 1st, somehow turn back into a reality of work, and kids, and bills, and the life you have always had. You may simply feel you do not have the time to keep up these resolutions that you have set in your mind.
I know, what I just wrote may seem bleak, and like I'm trying to discourage you from making resolutions. I'm sure you may even think i'm trying to ruin your lovely New Year's Day, you may even be wondering why you wasted your precious time reading this when I've not really been that positive at all. Honestly, though, that is my purpose in writing this. I'm writing this not just to the general public, but to myself, too, because I need to keep this before me. A resolution is defined as, "A firm decision to do something". As Americans, we have a tendency to twist the definition into something we simply want or wish to do, but a resolution is a firm decision. A firm decision means that you will not go back on your word. When I think of firm decision, I think of the story of Daniel in the Bible, where it states that he "purposed in his heart". Daniel did not just want to do the right thing, he made a firm decision to do what he saw as the right thing in his life.
So, how do we go from passive, from wanting things to change, to making things change? By a firm decision. If we are going to get where we want to be, it will not be easy. That's why the first part of this seemed so bleak. I believe it will be better in the long run if you sacrifice now. It's like a quote I heard that I love that says, "Today I will do what I want most, or what I want now." Ultimately, that decision is what determines where we are in life.
I'll give a personal example, to further explain my point. Almost three years ago, my Pawpaw, one of the most important people in the world to me, passed away. I was at Berea College at the time. I hated going to school there, and I was absolutely heart broken by my Pawpaw's death. I had missed about 2 weeks of class because I stayed with him at the hospital, and was there throughout the funeral. When everything was over, the last words of the funeral were said, all I wanted to do was cry. I did not want to be thrown back into my studies. I was taking Anatomy and Physiology, Chemistry, Psychology, and an English class. My courses were by no means easy. What I wanted during that "now" time was to cry and run back home, and take some time. I really did not even want to be at Berea anyways. With the Lord's help, however, I resolved to give it all I had. I had multiple tests to make up and papers to write. I knew that if I kept going, I would be one step closer to where I was supposed to be. So, I made up all the work I was behind on, and my English professor even told me my paper was one of the best he had read. I finished the semester, with good grades, and it really helped lay the foundation for the education I am continuing now.
I say all of that, not to in any way exalt myself, but to show a very important truth. It is not easy doing the things that will get you to where you want to be. It takes a lot more effort to get to where you want to be than to stay where you are. Think to yourself of that person that you want to be by the time 2015 is here. What kind of effort will you have to put in to get to where you want to be? Do you want to be thinner? That takes daily action on your part in monitoring what you eat and exercising. Are you willing to do the more difficult thing and skip out on a few meals at your favorite fast food place? It won't be easy at first, but if that's what you want, that's what it takes. What if you want to be wealthier? Work to save money, to be a wise steward of the money you do have. What if you want to be happier? Pursue a career you know you'll love, cherish your family and those around you, surround yourself with happy people. Whatever it is that you want your 2015 self to be, write it down, and figure out what it takes to get there. The decision won't be firm unless you know what you are going to do, and do it no matter what.
Again, i'm writing this for my own benefit, and anyone who chooses to read. You can be a new person by this time next year. It just comes down to a daily decision. Are you going to sacrifice the permanent on the altar of the temporal? Or are you going to choose to work toward what you want MOST rather than what you want now? The decision is up to you, and it is one you will have to make every day.