As Father's Day approached when I was growing up, I would cringe a little bit each time. Instead of bringing me joyful thoughts about my father, I think each year I would grow a little bit more bitter about what I did not have. You see, my own father was not present for any major event in my life. Honestly, he was not present for any event in my life and I could count the number of times I saw him in my childhood on one hand. So, I grew up hating Father's Day and all it stood for. To make matters worse, my grandpa, the only father I ever truly had got very ill on Father's Day of 2010. That day was actually the last one he ever had at home.
My grandpa's passing made matters worse in a sense. I could not understand why the only Dad I really had was taken. It's not something I ever spoke about, but the feeling of anger kept growing. I'll be honest--it made me very kind of hesitant to trust any man period. How can you trust when the only father you ever had was taken, and the biological one left you. Both are hard to deal with on different levels and raise all kinds of ugly and tormenting questions about your self worth.
So before I go on about the darkness and ugliness of it all, I have to explain what happened in my life and how I have managed to grow past Father's Day struggles. Somehow, through a process I cannot even explain, God started a healing process in my heart. How did this happen?
1) I realized who I wanted to become.
A few years ago, I had a very serious conversation/prayer time with the Lord. I know it may seem crazy, but this time I spent in prayer lead to me realizing the type of woman I wanted to become. And that started with getting over the bitterness that I had. I realized that to really grow, you have to let go of past hurts. If you don't, they will consume you, and you will have nothing to give anyone else. If you want to move forward in life you have to forgive those that have wronged you. Is it an easy process? No way. But when you can truly forgive someone who has wronged you, that says something about your character, and you will be able to move past a lot of other situations.
2) I thought of my future.
After I realized who I wanted to become, I started thinking about what I wanted my future to be like, and what I wanted for my kids one day. With that, I started guarding my heart in that I set a standard for what type of men I allowed in my life. You see, if you just allow any man into your life, and he treats you badly, it is going to add to the hurt you feel. At first in my life, I did date people who if I would have continued with would have caused me much heartache. But thanks to my Heavenly Father, I did not choose that route. I learned to only allow men in your life that truly and not in word only have a heart for the things of Christ. If he loves Christ, he is going to love you much better. In turn, he'll love whatever kids you have in the future better. You can break the cycle, and it feels so good when you do. Knowing what it feels like to truly be loved by someone who has your best interests at heart is a wonderful feeling. It may take some time, and there may be a waiting period, but it will help heal your heart.
3) I realized the love of my Heavenly Father.
Someone once told me that you see God like you see your father. That's why it's so beyond important for fathers to fulfill their role. I happen to believe this to be true. I trusted in Christ when I was fifteen, and I accepted Him fully into my life at that time. But there were still some things I didn't grasp until a few years later. One of those things is God will always be there for you. I don't know what your earthly father may have done to you, it may be horrible, but I do know that God will never do that to you. An earthly man may have chosen to leave you, cut you down, not do what he should have to help you through this life, but God will never do that. God provides a rest and peace to all of His children. He can comfort you when no one else can. God is not only a God of judgment, but He is also a loving Father who wants to provide healing to His children. Fall in love with Him, and give Him your heart and He will show you how to mend it. God has given each of us blessings, and he even raised up men in my life to help lead me along, like my uncle, my pastor, my husband and even his dad. God will provide what you need to help you heal. You only need to start seeing Him as who He is, rather than through the lenses of who your earthly father was.
I know Father's Day is not a good day for a lot of people. This world has so much hurt, and there have been so many wronged children. I hope this helps somebody whose father isn't there. I hope you realize you are loved, and that the Creator of all the Universe wants to be everything your father wasn't.
And to all you Fathers out there who really do your part, have a blessed day!
-Ashley Allen
