Learning from Lincoln

   "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver." Proverbs 25:11. Earlier today, I had the choice to respond or react to a negative person. Someone told my mom she was too old to go back to school. This statement angered me so much! I wanted to, without thinking, tell this person exactly how I felt about them, tell them how ignorant that I thought they were, and just completely say my mind. That was my first instinct. It would have been a "reaction" that would have made my character even worse than the person that said it. The person that said it probably did not even realize what they were saying.
   I stopped and thought to myself, how many times have I said something ignorant like that without thinking? Sure, maybe something I said was not that mean, but I do not know that person's motives. That is, after all, a common assumption made by negative people. A common assumption that so many of us believe is that we are too young, too old, too dumb, too smart, too ugly, too anything to accomplish what we want. The list goes on and on. We buy into this negative all the time! That's exactly what negative people want, too. Negative people want you to be just as negative as they are. They say things, even subconsciously, that want to bring you down to their level. They are dream-stealers, trying to get you to be as mediocre as they feel.
   Too often, we let these negative people rule our thoughts and actions. For example, what if I had posted a Facebook status saying exactly what I thought in that moment of anger about that person. What good would it have done? What if I had called them by name publicly? What would that have caused? Sure, for a moment it may have made me feel better. But that would have been a fleeting feeling, that would only ruin my reputation and character. It would have made me negative, and it would have put me in a completely negative mindset. I would have been letting that person dictate the way I felt. I would have been letting a reaction win, rather than taking time and simply responding.
   So how do we, in our own lives, cut the negative and not be the people that spur these problems? Like the verse I mentioned at first, we "fitly speak" our words. We choose correctly what we say and how we say it. Is this always easy? Will we always succeed? Maybe not, but we should definitely try. I guarantee by trying, we will become better versions of ourselves. If someone is struggling, like how my mom feels she is with school, we should be uplifting. If someone is working hard toward a goal, do not say they cannot do it, but rather encourage them to work harder. And if people are being more successful than you? Rather than be jealous of them, why not have a conversation with them and learn something, so that you can be more successful as well? It will only benefit us to learn from those smarter than we are. And I guarantee, the smartest people in life, they are not done learning.
   If we are the people being positive, how do we correctly respond to those being negative? Well, I feel that if you think it was a matter that needs to be addressed, go to them privately. And when you do, do not come at them with the same negativity you received. The only thing that kills negativity is positivity. If you come at them angry and just wanting to get things off of your mind, you are only going to cause a lot more problems. Put yourself in their shoes and realize you do not know everything yet either, and you may make mistakes.  It is very important to respond rather than react. The Bible says, "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath," (James 1:19) and "Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him." (Proverbs 29:20). When we allow others to dictate our emotions, we give them control of our attitude, and even our actions. We need to take control of our emotions, and we do that when we think on matters before we respond. I even heard one time that the great Abraham Lincoln used to write letters to people who made him angry....then destroy them. He would do that to state how he felt, but then he would take control of his emotions and actions and destroy them. He would not ever share the letter with the person who had angered him, and by the time he spoke with them, he knew how to correctly handle the matter, or he may not have even addressed the issues at all. Think of how awesome a man he was, and how much negativity he was sure to have received, and he did not let it run his life. He learned to respond to negative events in his life, and became arguably one of the greatest Presidents we have ever had.
    One final point I want to make is, if you have some person in your life who is chronically negative, avoid them at all costs. The only way that you will grow is to surround yourself with people who want to grow as well. It is also a lot easier to learn to respond if the people you are surrounding yourself with are "responders" as well. Negativity breeds negativity, and the people you are around mold your way of thinking. Find the "Lincolns" in your life, and learn all you can from them.